What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 16:09
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Have you ever had sex with sisters?
I said to her
I don,t even have a pension.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She loved him until the end.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
What happens psychologically to a man the first time he gets penetrated anally?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
What is the best way to get my wife to become a hotwife?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I think the readers, may guess!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She found it foreign!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We all went to grammer schools
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He knew the spot.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
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My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
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I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
This is soul school!.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Can you turn 150 pages into a 5 minute presentation before a meeting?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
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We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was scared of men, in general
At what stage in your life did you realize, "No, I can't do this any more" and walk out? Why?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
So, i spoilt her more .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Is there an MBTI personality that is more or less likely to handle stress?
I write beautiful poetry .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
It was going to be , some day.
What did i know ?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She was in good health!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I never cut or harmed myself..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As i do to all so called friends.?
We were not on the streets..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My family never makes their pension either.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Especially a lifetime of it.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Would this be the day?
Comes on , in middle age.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He resisted the act ,that day.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She wouldn,t have been !
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was 9 years of age.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
So whats the point in blame.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And i lived it daily.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I waited trembling.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I was seconnd youngest,
But, we were locked up after school.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But it wasn’t much.
When she asked me how she looked .
Why did i forgive my father ?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was very sick at this time too.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I will be 64.
I have no regrets .
One cannot live in the past .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
(And it was in our own minds.)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Ive learnt so much.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
All the time i was locked up.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She married twice! .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Put me off passion for life!!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My life is so biszare .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Who then, do I blame.?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Im still living with it.